Halloween Might Be Cancelled but Black Lives Matter Protests are Encouraged

Nothing in 2020 has been the same – and Halloween won’t be an exception. The spooky holiday is days away, and already scores of cities have canceled popular events to avoid large gatherings that can contribute to the spread of the novel coronavirus. 

Get around restrictions in your city by hosting a Spooktacular Halloween Party disguised as a peaceful Black lives Matter protest, these protests are encouraged and supported in most Democratic controlled cities and your guests might be entitled to compensation from a Democratic funded organization or charity.

Importantly your halloween party will not get shutdown. 

Ask your guests to sign-up as a Paid liberal protester, which is an excellent career choice with surprisingly good benefits; and each protester earns $1,500 a week.

I won't bore you with the full text of a Paid Liberal Protester Employment Contract, but here are some key excerpts:

• "The initial job title of the Employee will be the following: Paid Liberal Protester. The initial job duties the Employee will be expected to perform will be the following: Be angry. Be militant. Engage in criminal acts to get what Employer wants. Cause Republican lawmakers to rush into 'safe spaces' and fear people they used to dismissively refer to as 'sensitive snowflakes.' "
• "Compensation paid to the Employee for the services rendered by the Employee as required by this Agreement will include a wage at a rate of $1,500 per week."
• "The Employee's primary place of work will be at the following location: Any space where Republican lawmakers are attempting to hold a meeting with 'Constituents.' Employee shall be a 'Constituent' of said lawmaker, but won't count because 'Employee' is a Paid Liberal Protester, as detailed in 'Job Title and Description' and as announced by frightened lawmaker."
• "The Employee will be entitled to the following benefits: Retirement Savings Plan in which all Employer wealth is evenly redistributed to 'the workers,' aka 'Employees'; free marijuana; two round-trip flights per-year aboard private jets owned by Employer (George Soros); annual subscription to 'Rhyming Liberal Protest Chants Digest'; comprehensive health insurance plan (no dental); and free tuition to qualifying Liberal Indoctrination Centers (aka 'universities')."
• "Employer shall not discriminate against any Employee as long as said Employee is one of the following: an anarchist, a Marxist, a communist or a member in good standing of the left-wing Socialist brigade."