A Winter Olympic Performance No Hugging or High-Fives But Free Condoms

One might wonder how the condom galore makes any sense amid tough coronavirus restrictions set in place, and whether the organizers expect the scintillating atmosphere of the games to unleash particularly unbridled cravings among those converging to tussle for sports trophies.

Condoms will be offered in 2 verities with a diagram of a traditional Chinese lantern on the cover of the individually wrapped condoms:

1. Zero Fresh (Yes we are thinking it too)
2. King Size

The explanation is simple – tradition. Or rather, a newly-minted custom dating to the 1988 Seoul Summer Olympics. At the time the giveaway was touted as a way to raise awareness of HIV and AIDS. From then on, distribution of condoms continued, varyoing in quantities.

During the Winter Olympics you’re going to live in a village populated by thousands of other sexy, hard-bodied human gods who have also spent half a decade denying themselves any pleasure at all in the pursuit of glory.

Condom distribution has been a fundamental feature of life in athlete’s quarters since 1988 Seoul Olympics. All Olympic-related units will provide appropriate quantities of condoms for free at the appropriate time to people who've checked in to stay inside the loop.

The appropriate quantity has not been defined by the Chinese Olympic committee. 

Detailed social distancing guidelines announced for the duration of the Winter Olympics from 4-20 February in three clusters, Beijing, Yanqing, and Zhangjiakou, instruct athletes to minimize physical interactions such as hugs, high-fives and handshakes and to maintain a social distance of at least two meters from fellow competitors.

Furthermore, the "closed-loop management system" strictly separates athletes and other Games personnel from the public.

The closed loop encompasses living quarters, competition venues, training venues and other official facilities that are off-limits to the public.

Athletes will undergo daily COVID-19 testing despite vaccination status.